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lostnac
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Name: nicholas
Birthday: 3/3/1985
Gender: Male
Interests: movies, desktop pictures, art, and of course just lying there
Expertise: dont really have one, but i do do things bad: not cleaning or spelling
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  tiredgizmo
Member Since:
11/13/2003
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| I usually go a year between entries. I have a journal lost somewhere, and I would say I treat it about the same. This is the a strange time for me. Like most other times, but now I'm trying to figure out some things... what am I going to do with my life? will I be good enough for the person I love? What am I going to eat for lunch tomorrow?!?! Poker has become my new obsession. Not too good but still the same I play all the time online. Home tourneys are always fun too. I've won about half the time which is good for the lack of wealth I hold.
Why do people waist their lives? Or should I say some? I know a woman teaching and going to law school. A boy in japan working on computers. A married man starting an acting career. What am I? Going from class to class doing everything I'm told but really never taking it upon myself to create on my own. I wanted to spend this summer catching up in school and working my skills as an artist of any kind or developing my own style. Have I started? Well sort of... I've been working on a piece for Dominique. But nothing of my own.
It's 3:55 a.m.
Just nine hours ago I made a promise to start doing what I say in my mind to do. This promise was made to a dog, but the truth is, making it to the dog actually makes me feel accountable. How sad. | | |
| so... it's 3:40 in the morning. i'm
sick and tired but can't sleep. i have watched movies all day after a
long nap. ordered a pizza for some
nourishment not received
from belvin. started to feel better than worse and then blah. now i'm
in the state you find yourself staring at a
moving advertisement on your monitor, well not my monitor my
roommate's but still the same, because you
are frozen before sleep. your body wants it but your mind doesn't
stop thinking. what's the best way to fall asleep? have your other
laying next to you? i like sleeping like that, but in that case you
still don't sleep because you want to make every minuet you have with
them to last before you leave. maybe i should draw? tire myself
completely to exhaustion to sleep.
maybe.
so i know it's really not a big deal, but i can start
playing halo this wednesday. i don't want
to get stuck in the addictive role of lazy gamer again; let's try to
keep up the progressed i've made this past month shall we.
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| i miss this love on the right
and this dog
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| so.... been a while. i know no one really checks this anymore since i
never post but once every six months or so. BUT, people say it's good to
write things down...
i gave up my favorite game and my FAVORITE
girl for one month. it started march 29th and will end may 2nd. at
first i didn't think it was going to be too hard because i am doing
this to make my life better and the life of someone else happier
without the stress of me. if you know me you know i screw up. i trip
but dot completely fall... i burn sinks...i forget just one thing but
it's always the most important thing to remember... i hurt the ones i
LOVE. i don't want to be this person anymore. AND the best way to
overcome this is to just sit alone and proclaim to the almighty you are
changed. i understand only he can actually do this but i am fighting
for this. makes no sense right... this is a blog. my blog. my mind at
two in the morning when there is no one but me to hear it. well there
is god looking at me through the window. cant you feel him there. he is
true.
i'm in college station right now... really bryan. drove
michael, my twin, to his dorm tonight, and took the lonely highway
feeder back to jason's house. fifteen minuets of thought. i cant stop
thinking of her. the sky was splashed with pinks and oranges. reminds
me of her. beauty.
i am not a sappy person anymore nor am i one of
those emo's who believe love is death. i am me. a man trying to find
himself and live with his love through life. before i get back to my
initial subject for this blog let me say this... i am proud of her (read this)
so
i gave up halo and her. now what to do with my time?!? find myself and
pray i do not fall back. one week into it i was going strong until i
realized "i didn't know if she was ok" something i have always worried
about. talked to one of her closest friends and then was calm. of
course she is ok. she is strong even if it is unknown to her. i also
have a closer friend now. she has helped me understand some truths, and
i appreciate her more than she knows. thank you girl (hopefully you
know who you are). now a little over two more weeks until it is over
and something new is to come. FRIENDSHIP. basketball has taken some of
the edge off lately and i have been doing better in school and sleep.
halo does not RUiN my life now although there are four different people
that come to my room to play, usually till late into the night most
days of the week. i found out i can paint. i watch history chanel,
comedy central, discovery, sports center, and different movies. life is
good minus the ACHE of missing. only two more weeks.
pray i dot fall back. it is my one fear, for if i do it shall certainly be over... not life, THE relationship.
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there was a tired gizmo that
lived in a draw. now, we all know you are not supposed to get
these little magwoys wet or feed them after midnight, but
never-the-less this 
SLIPPERS
